Additional Information:

My husband and I are getting divorced. Can I move with our kids into my mother’s home in Westwood and enroll them in school there before we complete our divorce mediation?

ANSWER:

The most important question here is – does your husband – the children’s father – agree with your decision to move with the kids and enroll them in a different school.  This may be the best solution for all  of you. Have you been able to discuss this issue with your husband?  If he agrees there would be no problem.  If you are unable to discuss it or he does not agree,  mediation would allow the two of you to work with a neutral mediator to agree on decisions that would be in best interest of your children.  You would be able to take time to arrange and plan a parenting plan by agreement. with  the help of a trained professional who would help you to draft a parenting plan that works for your work schedules but also takes into account the developmental stages of your children.  [Read more...]

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I have been divorced for 8 years. My 16 year-old daughter lives with me in Danvers and doesn’t want to visit her dad 2 hrs away every other weekend.  She hates giving up her sports and social life every other weekend.  Her dad gets very angry when she asks to compromise, and just spend part of the weekend with him. What rights does my daughter have?

ANSWER:

This is clearly a difficult situation for both you, your daughter and her father. You do not indicate that there is any specific problem with the relationship between you daughter and her father, other than the distance involved in spending time together. This plan may have been working for a number of years but clearly isn’t working now.  The two of you, as parents, should be commended for having consistently made this parenting plan work over these years with the distance involved. The ability to have this regular contact with her dad has certainly been a great benefit to her. The question of her rights, while important, is somewhat confusing.  The rights each of you has in determining how a parenting plan works is really not the issue of most importance.  What is crucial is figuring out a way that your daughter’s needs and concerns, as well as her fathers, can be addressed in an emotionally healthy way with a positive result.  Family mediation can be used to assist your daughter and her father to resolve this conflict and to hopefully figure out a more appropriate parenting plan. The fact that your daughter is not happy with the current plan is enough to seek to modify the current arrangement.  Her concerns and unhappiness absolutely need to be addressed, but in the context that it is crucial for her to maintain a close and consistent relationship with her dad. Mediation is a way to do this.  [Read more...]

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My husband and I are getting divorced and have agreed to try mediation.  We have 3 young children, oldest is 8 years old.  The kids are all handling the news of the divorce differently and we know that they’ll adjust and also that their needs will change as they get older.   Before we decided to get divorced we were looking to move, but in the same town of Salem.  Wondering if we should just put that off so there won’t be too many changes for the kids?  Also, besides finalizing financial matters and our parenting plan, is it possible to include in the divorce agreement that the parents will re-visit the agreement at predetermined times in the future? I know it will help me stay focused on the kids and on our future hopefully with a positive attitude about the separation.  Would we work with the same mediator for future appointments to re-visit the plan?  It would be nice to work with the same mediator, as s/he would get to know our kids.

ANSWER:

Regarding the children and moving, there are a few different issues to consider.  If you are separating and divorcing now, one of you will be moving now anyway – so they will have to deal with this change.  If you are moving purely to upgrade your house or neighborhood then maybe this would not be the best time, given the number of changes the children will be dealing with. If you are moving for financial reasons and need to downsize, then you may not have the luxury of putting this move off.  [Read more...]

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My husband and I are getting divorced and have agreed to go through mediation. We are on good terms and are basically going to split everything 50:50.  I already have a local Marblehead divorce attorney who will review the final mediation agreement but wondering if I should consult with one before we start mediation or will that just confuse the issues?

 ANSWER:

The answer to your question is “What would make you most comfortable?” In mediation you will be in the presence of your husband – are there questions that you would like answered privately? The mediator could not do that.  You are in control of the divorce process in mediation- if you feel that you would have more information by seeing an attorney first that would be fine.  [Read more...]

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My husband and I have decided to separate and will likely get divorced.  What do we do in the meantime in regard to finances and parenting?  I am a stay at home mom in Wellesley so I don’t have my own income.

ANSWER:

You may want to consider divorce/family mediation which would allow you and your husband to speak with a neutral mediator to come up with an agreement for a specific period of time.  This agreement might provide for child support, deciding who would live where and how your children will spend time with their father.  It makes sense to take the time to make such an important decision as to whether your want to divorce.  Sometimes a separation and some therapy may make a decision clearer.  Certainly when children are involved, coming to an agreement for how each of you will spend time with the children and where they will live would be better for all.   [Read more...]

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I thought that our separation agreement was clear, and he paid tuition for our oldest two children to attend well-regarded Boston area colleges. Am I missing something?

ANSWER:

As the cost of college has become such a huge cost, many parents are having difficulty paying for college. Given that you already have had two children go through college it makes me think that you have already dealt with a lot of the issues that people argue over such as choice of college, location and how the decision is made. Does he feel that he had input into the choices being made? Is he a part of the process? Has he suffered a financial setback? As college is a child related expense, it is usually modifiable in the event of a change in circumstance.  He may feel that he has a reason to change your agreement.  Mediation is a process that would allow the two of you to meet with a neutral third person to discuss these issues and to figure out an acceptable solution. Mediation is often used by parents when issues come up in the years after they have divorced. It would certainly be difficult for your son if his parents become embroiled in a serious conflict over his college education.  [Read more...]

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My husband and I are divorcing after a 6.5 year marriage.  We have 4 young children under age of 6. I am currently on an unpaid maternity leave from my job as a teacher. My husband owns his own periodontist businesses. My name is not on his business. We also own 2 condo’s and a house in Weston.   Can you help me understand the law as related to divorce and business ownership and everything we own together and child support and alimony?

ANSWER:

This is certainly a difficult time for you – and a time to determine what will happen in the future.  With 4 young children, divorce mediation would provide a resource to allow you and your husband to come to parenting and financial arrangements that would be in the best interest of all.  Generally, any property that is owned during a marriage, regardless of whose name is on it, is considered marital property subject to equitable division.  Something like a business which provides the main source of income for your family is a bit trickier to determine.  It is hard to see a business as an asset but also as a source of income.  The income that is derived from the business would be used (along with your income when you go back to work) to calculate child support. With very young children it is so important for their emotional health, that the conflict between the two of you not become even greater during the separation and divorce process.  Mediation can provide an avenue that allows you both to make practical arrangements for your children with the help of a neutral third party.  Studies have shown that it is not necessarily divorce that is harmful to children, but the conflict between the parents.  Often that conflict can continue for many years in a litigious and adversarial divorce.  Although your finances and lifestyle will not be the same as now, you will certainly be able to make it financially if you were to separate.  [Read more...]

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My husband and are are getting divorced.  We have about 40k in our joint savings account, but if he takes half or more, that doesn’t leave me enough for a lawyer does it?

ANSWER:

You may want to consider divorce mediation.  If you and your husband feel that you are able to sit down with a neutral independent third person to help you go through all the issues that you need to decide in coming to a comprehensive divorce agreement, then mediation may be something to consider.  Mediators are often attorneys or therapists and are trained in conflict resolution techniques and in the area of family law.  Often mediated divorces are less expensive and take less time than litigated divorces.  It is important and recommended to use an attorney during the mediation process for advice, consultation as needed, and for review of the agreement.  It is crucial to make sure the mediator you choose is experienced and credentialed in the field of divorce mediation.  [Read more...]

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My wife and I are going to get divorced, but we are not legally separated yet.   Can I still take my son on vacation out of the country?  My ex doesn’t want me to take him to a vacation to Brazil, she thinks I will keep him over there.  My mom and dad want to see their grandson, they miss him and we used to go every year, but with our separation this year we couldn’t go. I would never keep  my son away from his mom because I always believe kids should be close to their moms. All I want is 3 weeks vacation with him. What do I do?

ANSWER:

Your situation seems perfect for mediation. You and your wife can meet with a neutral third person to work out parenting arrangements and a plan as well as all the other financial decisions that need to be made in a divorce. Given that you are not divorced, your wife has a valid concern. Clearly, there is a lack of trust between you at this point. That is certainly not uncommon during the time couples are separating and divorcing. Working on some written agreements and possibly finalizing your divorce prior to leaving might be some ideas that would relieve some of the concerns your wife has. There are many suggestions that a mediator could make to come up with a viable solution to your dilemma. You do not mention the age of your son, but it would be doubtful that you could take your son out of the country without your wife’s consent.   [Read more...]

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I’ve heard about collaborative divorce attorneys in the Boston area.  What exactly is a collaborative divorce attorney? Which is the best use of our money for our divorce?

ANSWER:

Technically when an attorney is acting as a “collaborative” attorney, the hope and intention is that the other party will also engage a collaborative attorney.  In that way, both attorneys have the same goal, which is to negotiate a divorce agreement through the use of four way meetings.  The tenor of the process would be negotiation and settlement, and neither attorney would be threatening to go to court.  The theory is that without the threat of court or a judge making a decision hanging over either parties head, the husband and wife will come to a fair and equitable agreement.  Many collaborative attorneys agree at the outset of the case that if an agreement cannot be reached the parties would have to get other counsel.  The thought of starting over with new attorneys is such a negative that will encourage parties to reach agreements.  Aggressive divorce attorneys would handle a divorce in a completely different way, by litigating the matter in front of a judge.  Many couples would prefer to decide for themselves the most important decisions in their lives, rather than a judge who has very little time to hear and understand all the issues.  [Read more...]