The decision has been made and action has been taken. Whether your divorce was mutually agreed upon or contested, what should be agreed upon is the direction for raising your children. Whether you are the mother or father, you need to make sure that you are parenting together.

Your children have the right and need to freely love both parents. You may have bitter feelings or feelings of indifference towards your ex-spouse, but don’t let those feelings ruin your child’s relationship with you or their other parent. Those feelings may have a greater negative impact on your relationship with your child than you may have expected.

Putting together a parenting plan will help each party see that the needs of the children are the utmost priority. If the parents cannot agree, attorneys and the courts will have to intervene to resolve visitation, support and custody.

What does it mean to parent together? It is the best alternative to the situation that the family has been placed in.

It means:

• Having a comprehensive parenting plan that addresses responsibilities of each parent. Be understanding as to the needs of the child/children.

• Communicating with your ex-spouse. If schedules change, communicate. If there is an illness, communicate.

• Honor the parenting plan that has been established.

• Be as consistent as possible in discipline. Nothing causes more confusion than completely different discipline actions.

• Always think about the children and their best interests first.

• As time goes by schedules may need to change; set up regular times to revisit and revise your parenting plan.

You have seen divorced parents who parent and interact well and you have seen divorces parents who don’t. You may have wondered why ex-spouses can’t get along even for the children.
Emulating the parents who co-parent in a thoughtful and caring way is not only better for your children but also for your emotional and mental health. You have the opportunity to check in with your children and see how they are adjusting to their new life, with parents living in two separate homes.

It will take a great deal of work on both sides, but parenting together is the best choice in raising your children and working through the struggles that may occur. Having a solid parenting plan may be the best solution to a difficult situation.

With Danya Handelsman, Pediatric Physical Therapist and Parent Coach

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Answer:

I understand that you want things to be simple. It is a requirement of the court process to file financial statements with the court paperwork and agreement for a Joint Petition for divorce, which is the simplest and fastest way to obtain an uncontested divorce. By giving the attorney the financial statements now, it will make it easier for him/her to prepare the agreement addressing the assets that you have. You will sign an agreement based on the fact that you have each disclosed and understand the assets of the other, otherwise the agreement would not be valid. There may be assets that one has that the other is not aware of. It sounds as if this attorney would be representing you and your husband would be unrepresented. Another way to deal with this situation is to use an experienced divorce mediator. That way both you and your husband can meet with the mediator together, get the same information together, and go through the process together, without one of you feeling that maybe there are issues that you weren’t aware of. An experienced and certified divorce mediator who is also an attorney would be able to give you all the legal information that you would need, prepare the divorce agreement and assist you with the court process. 

Answer:

You can certainly file for divorce and still use the mediation process. When a divorce is filed there is still a 6 month wait before a pre trial conference so there is plenty of time to work out an agreement. The filing does cause a clock to start so there is a timeframe, but realistically it is quite long and can become quite delayed. The idea of speaking to your wife about the additional costs and time that would be involved if she isn’t willing to participate in the process may give her some motivation. Also, you might suggest that she call a mediator to get an idea of the process herself and to hear that it will deal with her concerns as well. It doesn’t necessarily have to move at the fast pace that you are looking for or the slower pace that she is but a timeframe that would accommodate both of you.

Answer

This couple may benefit from divorce mediation which would allow them to meet with a neutral professional trained mediator to help them work through the details that they need to decide in coming to a comprehensive divorce agreement. Mediators can be lawyers or mental health professionals and they act as objective, neutral parties to bring about agreement. Depending on the extent of their disabilities, they may decide that each would bring a parent or other person for support to assist them in the mediation. Mediation seeks to reduce the conflict inherent in the divorce process and allow couples to divorce amicably and economically. Often couple can divorce more quickly through mediation than through the usual divorce process. The Massachusetts Council on Family Mediation has a website with a referral list of mediators in your area.

My husband and I both worked full-time early in our marriage–both professionals with careers. Once our child was born he refused to help with transport of our child to/from daycare (citing he could no longer take the express train) so I was left on my own. After 9 months of handling 90% of the child transport + domestic chores + working full-time, utterly exhausted, I elected to work part-time with NO possibility of advancement until I returned to full-time status. My husband’s career/schedule was unaffected. I am filing for divorce soon. If I worked part-time for 12 years, am I entitled to alimony? How much am I entitled to? Is there a formula?  He presently earns twice as much as I do. We have been married 15 years.

ANSWER:

Depending on a many other factors, including where the child resides, child support and general living expenses, the circumstances you describe could very likely warrant alimony. The alimony statute outlines various factors that can help determine the amount of alimony, but factors such as child support are involved.

You may want to consider divorce mediation as a way of working with a neutral, trained professional experience in conflict resolution techniques. The option to mediate allows divorcing couples to communicate directly about the issues that need to be addressed such as parenting and financial issues. The issue of alimony would be addressed in the context of all your financial issues, income, assets, debts and expenses.

Mediation is often seen as affording a better result ultimately especially when children are involved because the conflict between the parents is reduced rather than escalated through the divorce process. This clearly is a difficult and emotional time for you – it is important that you investigate all options available to you. You can also consider meeting with a local and experience family law attorney to get advice based on your specific financial situation. This advice can help you to negotiate during the mediation process.

Greater Boston Area Divorce Mediator and Attorney, Tracy Fischer provides divorce mediation services to families and individuals in Massachusetts and in the Boston Metro West area communities including : Dedham, Dover, Needham, Newton, Sherborn, Watertown, and Wellesley.

My husband and I have decided to get divorced and to sell our Watertown home. Recently he became angry and threatening so I moved to my brothers. My husband is living in the house and will not leave. I will be paying the mortgage alone and want to know if there is any way I can get him out. He found a rental property but refuses to leave the house. I cannot go to my home as I am scared of him. Do I have any rights?

ANSWER:

From your question, it sounds like you and your husband have made certain agreements to deal with the financial aspects of your divorce.  It seems as though something happened, or emotions have become more difficult, and now he is not willing to go along with the plans you had made.  You may want to consider divorce mediation as a way for you and your husband to meet in a safe and supportive environment with a neutral mediator.  The mediator is a trained professional skilled in reducing conflict and helping couples come to lasting and equitable agreements about their property and families.  From your question, it sounds like you are afraid to be alone with him.  You would have to determine whether you are comfortable meeting with him with a neutral third party.  

Watertown Divorce Mediator and Attorney, Tracy Fischer provides divorce mediation services to families and individuals in the Massachusetts and in the Boston Metro West area communities including : Dedham, Dover, Needham, Newton, Sherborn, Watertown, and Wellesley.

I want to do the right thing for my children and wife. She will be totally caught off guard by my request. What should I do to prepare for the day I tell her this?

ANSWER:

I don’t know if you have been in therapy at all, but telling your wife how you feel in a therapeutic setting with the proper support for her may be one way to deal with the range of emotions that she will have. You may suggest marital counseling.  After discussing your relationship you may want to consider divorce mediation as a way to work through the issues that need to be addressed such as a parenting plan, financial support and how to divide your assets.   Mediation is a non-adversarial and  collaborative approach that helps divorcing couples work through the difficult decisions while maintaining a high degree of cooperation.  The mediator is a trained neutral experienced in conflict resolution.  Mediated agreements are often less costly than adversarial divorces and help couples to maintain their relationship as parents.  It is so important that you do what you can to prevent the conflict from escalating while figuring out the decisions inherent in a divorce.  Most parents want to protect their children from the ramifications of divorce, and the best way to do that is to decrease the conflict between the parents.  Adversarial divorces will often increase the conflict between the divorcing parents.  Clarifying to your wife that you want the outcome to be a fair and equitable on for her and the children will help to set the tone. 

Boston Metrowest Divorce Mediator and Attorney, Tracy Fischer provides divorce mediation services to divorcing couples in Massachusetts and in the Boston Metro West communities including : Dedham, Dover, Needham, Newton, Sherborn, Watertown, and Wellesley.

Do I have to pay child support in Massachusetts if my 19 year old daughter is pregnant and working and not a full time student? I have a current order to pay weekly support.

ANSWER:

You may want to consider, in addition to getting legal advice from an attorney, the option of post divorce mediation. You and your ex-spouse may be able to come to an agreement, with the help of a neutral and experienced mediator, as to how and when to modify or terminate the support arrangements. Your daughter, and her future plans, may have an impact on some of the decisions that you and your ex-spouse are going to make. The opportunity to have communication with your ex-spouse and for both of you to understand the full extent of her plans relative to how she will care for her child and continue to work. Is the father of her child involved in her life and will he be a support to her and the child? All of these are questions that you and your ex-spouse must be concerned about. Mediation would give the two of you the opportunity to discuss them in a comfortable and neutral setting and hopefully make future plans and agreements that will be beneficial to all of you. 

Greater Boston Post-Divorce Mediator and Attorney, Tracy Fischer provides post-divorce mediation services to divorced spouses in Massachusetts and in the Boston Metro West area communities including : Dedham, Dover, Needham, Newton, Sherborn, Watertown, and Wellesley.