My wife and I are not yet divorced, can I take our son out of the country for vacation?

Additional Information:

My wife and I are going to get divorced, but we are not legally separated yet.   Can I still take my son on vacation out of the country?  My ex doesn’t want me to take him to a vacation to Brazil, she thinks I will keep him over there.  My mom and dad want to see their grandson, they miss him and we used to go every year, but with our separation this year we couldn’t go. I would never keep  my son away from his mom because I always believe kids should be close to their moms. All I want is 3 weeks vacation with him. What do I do?

ANSWER:

Your situation seems perfect for mediation. You and your wife can meet with a neutral third person to work out parenting arrangements and a plan as well as all the other financial decisions that need to be made in a divorce. Given that you are not divorced, your wife has a valid concern. Clearly, there is a lack of trust between you at this point. That is certainly not uncommon during the time couples are separating and divorcing. Working on some written agreements and possibly finalizing your divorce prior to leaving might be some ideas that would relieve some of the concerns your wife has. There are many suggestions that a mediator could make to come up with a viable solution to your dilemma. You do not mention the age of your son, but it would be doubtful that you could take your son out of the country without your wife’s consent.  

Is it better to have an aggressive divorce attorney or a collaborative one?

Additional Information:

I’ve heard about collaborative divorce attorneys in the Boston area.  What exactly is a collaborative divorce attorney? Which is the best use of our money for our divorce?

ANSWER:

Technically when an attorney is acting as a “collaborative” attorney, the hope and intention is that the other party will also engage a collaborative attorney.  In that way, both attorneys have the same goal, which is to negotiate a divorce agreement through the use of four way meetings.  The tenor of the process would be negotiation and settlement, and neither attorney would be threatening to go to court.  The theory is that without the threat of court or a judge making a decision hanging over either parties head, the husband and wife will come to a fair and equitable agreement.  Many collaborative attorneys agree at the outset of the case that if an agreement cannot be reached the parties would have to get other counsel.  The thought of starting over with new attorneys is such a negative that will encourage parties to reach agreements.  Aggressive divorce attorneys would handle a divorce in a completely different way, by litigating the matter in front of a judge.  Many couples would prefer to decide for themselves the most important decisions in their lives, rather than a judge who has very little time to hear and understand all the issues.